A few of my friends have been asking why I haven’t written in a while and when I’ll next be posting a blog (ego boost or what?)? The simple answer to the first question is that I’ve been a busy, busy bee. I’m currently working two jobs as well as trying to start up a food company (dipi) with a couple of mates. A slightly less obvious answer is that I wanted to ensure I wasn’t just writing for the sake of writing, as I felt that in doing so, I would ruin the authenticity of what I was producing and it would become a chore rather than something I enjoy.
To answer the second question: now.
Anyway, enough of my mediocre excuses which I’m sure you care very little about. The subject of this post was actually inspired by a picture my sister posted on our family WhatsApp chat. Before I continue, I would just like to say that if you don’t have a family WhatsApp chat, I’d highly recommend getting one. Not only does it keep myself, my siblings and my parents in the loop about what everyone is up to (a logistical saviour for my mum), but it exposes us to content that we probably wouldn’t have otherwise seen, such as the cartoon below:
At a first glance, this looks like a poorly drawn cartoon pulled from a gory comic book. It also looks like a pretty rubbish situation for both parties to be involved in. But let me take you back to GCSE History where we had to fully analyse cartoons, albeit these are slightly different to those drawn in World War Two. As already stated, it’s important to understand that both the man and the woman are in pain. However, it is equally important to see that neither of them can see the pain the other is in; the man is unable to see the snake biting the woman, and the woman is unable to see the boulder on the man’s back.
This cartoon is reflective of life. Frequently, when seeking help from other people, we believe that we are the only ones struggling. Suddenly, the world revolves around us. We therefore let ourselves become aggravated and annoyed when we don’t get the response we feel we deserve: ‘do they not get how I’m feeling? I thought they were my friend?’ Yet, we do not take the time to think that the person we are demanding support from may have their own demons or battles they are trying to fight; whilst it may not be a boulder or a snake, it may be trouble at home, problems with a partner or difficulties at work.
But can we be blamed for this ignorance if we can’t see the boulder or the snake? Yes, we can.
Why? Because we have the power to see both if we take the time to communicate. As decent human beings, we should always be trying to improve our empathy and awareness of others, and the easiest way to do this is through communication. It doesn’t have to be a daily message, or a forced conversation, but a small check-up can mean a lot to someone who is struggling. I truly believe that we can overcome a lot of the troubles we face by sharing, and that can be sparked with a simple question: ‘how are you?’
Just imagine: you’ve recently had an argument with your other half. It wasn’t anything major, but they upset you. Right now, all you can think about is how out of order they have been and you need to vent. Meanwhile, one of your friends has just lost one of their grandparents. It just so happens that this is the friend you decide to talk to. Instead of asking how they are, you shout and cry down the phone, telling them they don’t understand and that they’re not showing the level of sympathy you think they should. They’re being a rubbish friend. You then hang up, not knowing anything about the trauma your friend is currently facing. How would you know? You never asked.
Maybe the details might be slightly different, but a similar situation has undoubtedly happened to you or someone you know at some point.
Now, I am not saying that you should stop asking for help from friends or family in fear that they may be suffering greater pain. In fact, you should do exactly the opposite; open up and share how you feel. However, ensure that it is an equally weighted conversation. Once you are done explaining how you feel and why it’s negatively impacting you, ask the other person how they feel and if they have anything they’d like to share. Writing something so simple down feels a little bit stupid and patronising, but I know it’s something that I tend to forget to do when I’m ranting away, and I’d put money on others doing the same.
Think, Thought, Thunk 